I got a little restless today watching my YouTube video-shooting setup and laptop. Not many views on LinkedIn either. I am tired, exhausted, and frankly fed up with waiting for the results I desire.
But I think I have finally figured out what I need to do.
Stop obsessing over the results. Stop judging the quality of my work. Just keep producing.
Let's produce what I want to produce and focus my mind on that alone.
Take my Java Multithreading course, for example. Just post whatever you have understood today. No need to have the entire course ready. No need to define a grand structure based on what you might teach in the future. Just write, publish, and move on.
The same goes for videos. No unnecessary analysis, no overplanning, no forced refinement. Write the content, read it in front of the camera, do some basic editing, and publish.
If you understand something new tomorrow that should have been included in yesterday's video, record another one. Who cares? There is no need to perfect an entire playlist before you start enjoying teaching.
Just teach frequently. Keep learning. Most importantly, enjoy what you are doing.
That completeness and perfection of a course, blog, website, book, or software that you have been chasing and planning for the last 13 years doesn't arrive in some grand moment of revelation.
It takes shape through the small actions you perform every single day.
To see that happen, you need to stop judging your current actions and start acting. Stop comparing what you have produced with the imaginary version of what you think it should be.
Let your work take its shape while you keep working on it.
Accept that this is who you are. This is what you have produced. And be grateful to God that you have the opportunity to do something you genuinely love every day.
There is no such thing as completeness. There will never be a point when there is no scope for improvement.
That doesn't make you a failure. It doesn't make your work incomplete or your efforts lazy.
It makes you human.
Your work is a reflection of your personality, a personality that is sincerely learning something and sharing that knowledge with the world simultaneously.
I am not a grandmaster of Java. And although I have always hated the idea of teaching something without first becoming a master at it, I have finally realised that a part of me was simply afraid of letting others know that I wasn't a perfect expert.
I am going to stop being afraid.
I will teach in my own capacity, with whatever knowledge and understanding I have, without constantly searching for flaws in myself.
Being in the learning phase is not a flaw. It is a reflection of a student-like personality. Someone who is not afraid to acknowledge that he knows less, or perhaps knows nothing about a subject, and is still willing to walk the path of learning.
And someone who isn't hesitant to teach along the way because he knows he will do so with good and honest intentions.
There is no place for unnecessary judgement here.
Let go of yourself, Ankit. Renounce your ego, fear, and guilt. Set yourself free.
I think this obsession with careful planning came partly from watching too many American movies and idolising characters who seem to have grand plans, extraordinary knowledge, and the entire universe figured out.
That personality, that achievement, that seemingly extraordinary success looks incredibly sexy, cool, and inspirational.
There is just one problem.
A lot of it is a big fat exaggeration that exists in stories to attract attention and sell characters. It is a performance, not reality.
Unfortunately, I grew up believing in that exaggerated reality and aspiring to make it mine one day.
Without realising it, my 25-year-long chase of that imaginary reality had started cutting me off from actual reality.
Fortunately, I am beginning to understand what has been happening.
I am learning to loosen myself, become comfortable with who I am, and develop confidence in what I do.
It is still a work in progress, but I believe I am finally walking in the right direction.
Less planning. Less judging. Less fear.
More doing. More learning. More teaching. More living.
Just keep on going.
See you soon.
Lots of Love ❤️
Ankit Khera
#PersonalGrowth #ContinuousLearning #Teaching #Java #SelfImprovement #Perfectionism #KeepGoing #LearningByDoing #Groundedness #AnkitKhera #FulfillmentCoach